Episode 77
Become More Needy the Healthier I Get and the More I Try to Establish Healthy Boundaries
Here it is folks, our last episode of season 4! Today’s conversation sums up so much of what we’ve been talking about this season, from slowing down and having the tough conversations, to building trust, to what does it really mean to practice boundaries, anyway?
As we discuss this listener’s question, we’re thinking about how people exist together as part of interconnected systems. When one part of the system changes, it resonates in the whole web, and inevitably creates change. In relationships, that means that when your partner senses you making changes in yourself, they’ll respond in some way, whether they’re aware of it or not. It could be an uncomfortable change for them at first, and all that newness may make them look for how to get back to status quo. But it also could be that, with enough time and space, there’s an opportunity for a new balance to emerge.
So what does that have to do with boundaries? It's all about recognizing that we really only have a say over our part of the web. From that place, we can decide how we’re going to react when things happen to us that don’t feel good, but ultimately, we can’t control how that’s going to resonate with our partner. What we can do is slow down and tend to ourselves so we can show up to talk about it with our partner with relational presence, feeling connected and protected.
Thank you so much for being with us for yet another season of WDMP! You may have noticed that we’ve switched to a 10-episode-per-season format, which will allow us to emphasize and elongate our miniseries with a bit more consciousness. So look forward to our next bonus miniseries coming soon, followed by another 10-episode season later in the year.
Until then, stay protected and connected.
Quotes:
"Change is one of these amazing things that, when it happens, can really begin to transform a relationship. And it is one of the places that folks get really stuck."
"If we make a request, then we're asking for a behavior change. If we make a boundary... a boundary isn't about what somebody else is gonna do. It's about what you're gonna do in response to how someone else is."
"How do you tend to yourself in a way that takes good care of you so that you could really show up in some kind of relational presence, feeling connected and protected, feeling that you are able to really be alive with each other?"
"We’re bound to get off course. It’s bound not to be perfect. Everybody gets lost on the mountain sometimes. Where you grow the trust though, is not in it never happening, but…in when it happens. What I trust is that we can do this together. We can do hard things, we can figure this out, we can get through it."
Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously - Prentis Hemphill
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