Episode 89
Have Trouble With My Feelings
It’s another two-fer episode today, with a pair of questions that have to do with partners interrupting or getting annoyed when the other partner wants to talk about feelings. Plus, we’ve got WDMP producer/music therapist Al Hoberman back on as a special guest!
When is it a good time to bring up 'feelings talk' in your house? During dinner? Before bed? While watching TV? A big part of having these kinds of conversations is knowing when your partner has the capacity to be there with you. And for the listener, it’s so much easier to have capacity when you know how the speaker wants you to be there for them. That’s why we’re spending so much time in this episode on having meta conversations about how and when you and your partner can show up for each other. That means learning to balance short term tension with long term pain, separating vulnerability from shame, and learning how to be with someone’s process.
Quotes:
“That’s what happens when we bring up feelings. We go there fast.”
“Everything you put out into the world is influencing the world around you. But you still don’t actually control other people’s feelings. You really don’t.”
"The brain gauges pain differently depending on how close it is. So, it will guess that pain far away is less bad than pain close to me in time, even if that’s not actually true…. We’re misjudging the long-term cost vs. the short-term cost."
“The experience of being a listener is totally transformed when you know what the person who’s speaking wants from you. It’s so much easier to meet them there, when you know how they want to be met.”
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