Episode 50

Not Validate What I'm Feeling When I'm Upset

“Why doesn't my partner validate what I'm feeling when I'm upset?”  The short answer is, because it’s really hard to do. Oftentimes in the moment, one or both of us is too upset to make a responsive choice rather than a reactionary one.  But of course there’s more to it than that.  The key is in the ask itself.  Is it a question of what is true? Or is it about being heard and understood?  How do we validate our partners without invalidating our own feelings and subjective truth?  But the magic in the ask is that often, when we are able to set aside our own upset temporarily to be there for our partner, those are the arguments that can be the most transformative in any relationship.  Listen in as Vickey, Jules and Rebecca share how this issue surfaces in their relationships and in their practices, and the wisdom they’ve gleaned from those moments.

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This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

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Why Does My Partner
Answering questions from people who want help in relationships.

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About your hosts

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Jules Shore

Juliane Taylor Shore LMFT, LPC, SEP specializes in trauma recovery and relational health. She has worked with couples and adults in her private practice in Austin, TX since 2009. She teaches Interpersonal Neurobiology to her interns, at local universities, and privately. When she's not working, Jules spends time in the hill country and with her husband, daughter, and dog. Learn more about Jules’ teachings at cleariskind.com
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rebecca wong

Rebecca Wong LCSWR, SEP has been practicing psychotherapy since 2003, blending modalities for relational trauma healing. She maintains a private practice in New Paltz, NY on unceded Lenapehoking land where she reside with her husband, their teens, and a handful of four-legged furry mischief-makers. Rebecca works virtually with people in the states of New York, Colorado, and Massachusetts. She also offers relationship intensives, experiential workshops. Learn more about Rebecca’s work and podcasts at connectfulness.com
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Vickey Easa

Vickey Easa LICSW has been a therapist since 2008, adding in Relational Life Therapy in 2016. She loves spreading the information of Relational Health to anyone who will listen; professionally AND personally. She sees adults, both individuals, and couples, and recently began public speaking on the topic of Healthy Self Esteem. No pets yet; her husband, two children, and watching TV keep her busy enough. Learn more about Vickey’s work at vickeyeasa.com