Episode 33

Think I’m Useless, No Good, Unhealthy When We Fight

This week, a listener asks, “When we fight, why does my partner think I’m useless, no good, unhealthy?”  When you and your partner fight, you might have your own list of adjectives that come to mind. Whatever they are, the answer to this question applies to all of them.  The response is hefty but so worth it, because when we are able to upend this with a new skill, the results are so incredibly profound.  Rebecca, Vickey and Jules explain a bit of the brain science behind our Core Negative Images of our partners and how our implicit memory system informs our responses in heated moments like these.  They discuss what we can do as couples to disconfirm those implicit memories, so that we can not only repair the relationship, but also heal the wounds of our past inside the container of our current relationship.

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

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Why Does My Partner
Answering questions from people who want help in relationships.

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About your hosts

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Jules Shore

Juliane (Jules) Taylor Shore LMFT, LPC, SEP is an author, teacher and therapist specializing in integrative therapy for trauma recovery and couples relationships. She specializes in teaching integrative therapy and Interpersonal Neurobiology internationally. She is also the author of Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Empowered and Connected. You can work with her in small group workshops for those who want to do deep work on their boundaries, relationships and well-being. She also offers intensives in a one on one format for adult individuals and couples. Find out more about her work at julianetaylorshore.com.
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Rebecca Wong

Rebecca Wong LCSW, SEP is a relational trauma therapist and educator. She helps promote experiential learning brain states that conjure new possibilities, integrate felt sense knowings, deepen authenticity, increase trust, and develop practices to support generational wellness. Rebecca specializes in offering experiential relationship intensives for those seeking profound shifts.
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Vickey Easa

Vickey Easa LICSW has been a therapist since 2008, adding in Relational Life Therapy in 2016. She loves spreading the information of Relational Health to anyone who will listen; professionally AND personally. She sees adults, both individuals, and couples, and recently began public speaking on the topic of Healthy Self Esteem. No pets yet; her husband, two children, and watching TV keep her busy enough. Learn more about Vickey’s work at vickeyeasa.com