Episode 32

Make Hurtful Comments

We’ve all likely said something hurtful out of anger to someone we love at some point in our lives.  There’s a slew of reasons why we do it, but “because it’s the truth” is only sometimes one of them.  Being on the receiving end of a hurtful comment, the sting can make it hard to respond well.  But if we can pause just enough before responding to check in on our psychological boundaries, then we can filter what’s true and about us from what’s not true and about them.  We can set limits when appropriate.  We can be curious about what this new information—whether true or untrue—tells us about our relationship and our partner.  And because we love them, we can offer them an invitation to connect rather than deepening the divide.

This week, Rebecca, Jules and Vickey discuss the various reasons why someone we love might say something hurtful to us, how we use our healthy psychological and relational boundaries in instances like these, and what implementing boundaries in a meta conversation actually sounds like. (Hint: It’s not “You can’t talk to me like that!)

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This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

About the Podcast

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Why Does My Partner
Answering questions from people who want help in relationships.

About your hosts

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Jules Shore

Juliane (Jules) Taylor Shore LMFT, LPC, SEP is an author, teacher and therapist specializing in integrative therapy for trauma recovery and couples relationships. She specializes in teaching integrative therapy and Interpersonal Neurobiology internationally. She is also the author of Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Empowered and Connected. You can work with her in small group workshops for those who want to do deep work on their boundaries, relationships and well-being. She also offers intensives in a one on one format for adult individuals and couples. Find out more about her work at julianetaylorshore.com.
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Rebecca Wong

Rebecca Wong LCSW, SEP is a relational trauma therapist and educator. She helps promote experiential learning brain states that conjure new possibilities, integrate felt sense knowings, deepen authenticity, increase trust, and develop practices to support generational wellness. Rebecca specializes in offering experiential relationship intensives for those seeking profound shifts.
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Vickey Easa

Vickey Easa LICSW has been a therapist since 2008, adding in Relational Life Therapy in 2016. She loves spreading the information of Relational Health to anyone who will listen; professionally AND personally. She sees adults, both individuals, and couples, and recently began public speaking on the topic of Healthy Self Esteem. No pets yet; her husband, two children, and watching TV keep her busy enough. Learn more about Vickey’s work at vickeyeasa.com