Episode 94

[BONUS] Why do I feel so bad when my partner gets disappointed or mad at me?

This is a really special episode of WDMP to share with you! Our regular listeners know that we don’t shy away from sharing examples of our own relationship work on the show, but today Vickey takes it even further, signing herself up to do some psychological boundary work of her own right here, on air. As you follow along with Vickey, you’ll learn how to discern what really is or isn’t about you in a conflict, as well as how to listen with acceptance, allowing and valuing your partner having their own feelings and process, without feeling threatened or hurt.

These exercises are based on Jules’ new book Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Connected, and Empowered, available now for pre-order at all major booksellers. We’re also so grateful to Vickey for bravely sharing her process, and of course a HUGE thanks to her husband, Gabe, who also gave his blessing to share this with you, our listeners, even though he wasn’t there to record.

Finally, join us next week when we talk about containing boundaries!

Quotes:

“If somebody is experiencing disappointment or anger, even in response to a very specific thing you did, that does not mean it’s entirely about you.”

"A psychological boundary is the space between your mind and my mind where it’s totally possible for us to feel very differently…and have it be okay and safe enough for us to stay in connection."

This episode is brought to you by Therapy Wisdom.

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider attending our upcoming workshops. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

About the Podcast

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Why Does My Partner
Answering questions from people who want help in relationships.

About your hosts

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Jules Shore

Juliane Taylor Shore LMFT, LPC, SEP specializes in trauma recovery and relational health. She has worked with couples and adults in her private practice in Austin, TX since 2009. She teaches Interpersonal Neurobiology to her interns, at local universities, and privately. When she's not working, Jules spends time in the hill country and with her husband, daughter, and dog. Learn more about Jules’ teachings at cleariskind.com
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rebecca wong

Rebecca Wong LCSWR, SEP has been practicing psychotherapy since 2003, blending modalities for relational trauma healing. She maintains a private practice in New Paltz, NY on unceded Lenapehoking land where she reside with her husband, their teens, and a handful of four-legged furry mischief-makers. Rebecca works virtually with people in the states of New York, Colorado, and Massachusetts. She also offers relationship intensives, experiential workshops. Learn more about Rebecca’s work and podcasts at connectfulness.com
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Vickey Easa

Vickey Easa LICSW has been a therapist since 2008, adding in Relational Life Therapy in 2016. She loves spreading the information of Relational Health to anyone who will listen; professionally AND personally. She sees adults, both individuals, and couples, and recently began public speaking on the topic of Healthy Self Esteem. No pets yet; her husband, two children, and watching TV keep her busy enough. Learn more about Vickey’s work at vickeyeasa.com