Episode 82

Use Sex as a Weapon

Here we are with Season 5 of the Why Doesn’t My Partner podcast! This episode is about mismatch, but don’t let the title fool you - it’s not just about sex. It’s about the discomfort of experiencing mismatch in your partnership, and the shame of wanting something that maybe somewhere in your life, you’ve learned is not okay. Starting with this You-turn, we cover topics like discovering your psychological floor, and how to notice the subtle cues that tell you you’re nearing it. How do we open up about our ingrained beliefs around what’s okay when it comes to sex? What does it mean to move from a culture of shame to a culture of pleasure?

Today’s invitation is to start building a map of your relationship to sex, sexuality, and pleasure. What are all the things you’ve learned from your family, culture, society, and your past? Next, what do you know about your own desire? About what does or doesn’t feel good to you? And how has that changed over time? Because it probably has! Once you’ve done that, take a listen to the episode for an exercise you can do with your partner to get the conversation started.

Resources mentioned today are Sex When You Don't Feel Like It by Cyndi Darnell, Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski, and Magnificent Sex by Peggy J. Kleinplatz and A. Dana Ménard

Quotes:

“Especially in places where we’re all the same, we stop taking risks. We stop trying to figure things out. We’re not in a place of, 'I wonder if I did it differently, what would that feel like?’”

"Your psychological floor is as unique as a fingerprint."

"It's really hard to talk about what we don't know."

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider attending our upcoming workshops. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

Mentioned in this episode:

WDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

About the Podcast

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Why Does My Partner
Answering questions from people who want help in relationships.

About your hosts

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Jules Shore

Juliane (Jules) Taylor Shore LMFT, LPC, SEP is an author, teacher and therapist specializing in integrative therapy for trauma recovery and couples relationships. She specializes in teaching integrative therapy and Interpersonal Neurobiology internationally. She is also the author of Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Empowered and Connected. You can work with her in small group workshops for those who want to do deep work on their boundaries, relationships and well-being. She also offers intensives in a one on one format for adult individuals and couples. Find out more about her work at julianetaylorshore.com.
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Rebecca Wong

Rebecca Wong LCSW, SEP is a relational trauma therapist and educator. She helps promote experiential learning brain states that conjure new possibilities, integrate felt sense knowings, deepen authenticity, increase trust, and develop practices to support generational wellness. Rebecca specializes in offering experiential relationship intensives for those seeking profound shifts.
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Vickey Easa

Vickey Easa LICSW has been a therapist since 2008, adding in Relational Life Therapy in 2016. She loves spreading the information of Relational Health to anyone who will listen; professionally AND personally. She sees adults, both individuals, and couples, and recently began public speaking on the topic of Healthy Self Esteem. No pets yet; her husband, two children, and watching TV keep her busy enough. Learn more about Vickey’s work at vickeyeasa.com