Episode 82
Use Sex as a Weapon
Here we are with Season 5 of the Why Doesn’t My Partner podcast! This episode is about mismatch, but don’t let the title fool you - it’s not just about sex. It’s about the discomfort of experiencing mismatch in your partnership, and the shame of wanting something that maybe somewhere in your life, you’ve learned is not okay. Starting with this You-turn, we cover topics like discovering your psychological floor, and how to notice the subtle cues that tell you you’re nearing it. How do we open up about our ingrained beliefs around what’s okay when it comes to sex? What does it mean to move from a culture of shame to a culture of pleasure?
Today’s invitation is to start building a map of your relationship to sex, sexuality, and pleasure. What are all the things you’ve learned from your family, culture, society, and your past? Next, what do you know about your own desire? About what does or doesn’t feel good to you? And how has that changed over time? Because it probably has! Once you’ve done that, take a listen to the episode for an exercise you can do with your partner to get the conversation started.
Resources mentioned today are Sex When You Don't Feel Like It by Cyndi Darnell, Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski, and Magnificent Sex by Peggy J. Kleinplatz and A. Dana Ménard
Quotes:
“Especially in places where we’re all the same, we stop taking risks. We stop trying to figure things out. We’re not in a place of, 'I wonder if I did it differently, what would that feel like?’”
"Your psychological floor is as unique as a fingerprint."
"It's really hard to talk about what we don't know."
Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact
If you want to dive in deeper, consider attending our upcoming workshops. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events
Mentioned in this episode:
Let's take a moment to acknowledge our amazing sponsor The Academy of Therapy Wisdom. Jules is one of their many amazing educators. And because you listen to us, the Therapy Wisdom team is offering a secret code to give you free access to one of Jules' 1 hour Wise Conversations. Visit Therapywisdom.com or click the link in the show notes and use the ‘WDMP’ discount code."
