Episode 80
Want Me to Just Get Over the Hurt
Ok, so maybe we’ve convinced you that Discord Builds Trust (No Really!). You’re on board, you’re practicing sitting with your learned beliefs, and you're cultivating curiosity. Now the moment arrives. There’s disconnect, hurt, something went wrong. What do you do? How do you get out of this place and into the trust (no…really!)
On today’s episode of our mini-series, the question is "Why does my partner want me to just get over the hurt?" We start off flipping the question on its head and pointing out some unspoken feelings inside of that question, which takes us into picking apart the difference between toxic shame and remorse. Finally, we share some strategies for getting out of that shame pit and into a more relational space, ready for repair.
Check out this framework for apology and accountability from Mia Mingus, which we reference in today’s episode.
Quotes:
"Hurt is not a bug in relationships. Hurt is a feature in relationships."
"Remorse is a trust builder."
“If you feel bad about having a painful impact, that says something really good about your heart."
"Accountability is not just about apologizing; it's about understanding the impact that your actions have caused on both yourself and others."
"Be curious about what would help you move from this disrepair back into connection right now. Right now, not every single time this might come up in the future. Right this second."
Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact
If you want to dive in deeper, consider attending our upcoming workshops. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events
Mentioned in this episode:
Let's take a moment to acknowledge our amazing sponsor The Academy of Therapy Wisdom. Jules is one of their many amazing educators. And because you listen to us, the Therapy Wisdom team is offering a secret code to give you free access to one of Jules' 1 hour Wise Conversations. Visit Therapywisdom.com or click the link in the show notes and use the ‘WDMP’ discount code."
